#363 - "Daddy"

Don't tell me to call you "Daddy" the first time we meet. That's gross. Don't judge me for sex I've had before we met. That's not your business. Don't get mad when I recognize your lies.  I'm better than that. 

#362 - S.B.L.

  #362 -- S.B.L. -- Your name doesn't matter. I won't know you long, and that's okay. Previously, I would have acquiesced to your hounding, but now I watch your bland texts with mild amusement, waiting for the right time to block you and move on. 

#364 - J.Z.

You wrap yourself naked in a blanket, roll a joint and watch cartoons, sending me a brief text (complete with NSFW content) to come join. Your mustache spans continents, your laughter is infectious. You're the biggest, most precious thing around. 

#365 - M.S.

 You are a wet sock of a human being. You spend your life dodging problems that you caused and letting them ricochet off of other people. I hope that when you get fired, it ruins the little that you have left. 

2.18: Winner

     There's this little market around the corner, and it sells drinks and snacks and beer and things to smoke and all kinds of lottery tickets. I am not especially a lottery person, but I've been known to buy a ticket when the lottery goes up really high, and my mom would grab a scratch-off here or there for me to try my luck on. 

    The market has a Facebook page where they advertise new products or their hours or whatever, so I follow them. And they LOVE to post their lottery winners.

    I don't think these guys are lying or anything, but it is RIDICULOUS how many people win HUGE sums of money on their scratch-off tickets. Some people are buying $50 scratch-offs and winning $5,000. It's shocking.

    So now I want to win money. I will go in once a week or so and buy a $5 scratch-off and usually win back $5 which I will put towards my next scratch-off. And I never win those thousands. It's very sad. I am NOT a winner.

    Every time I buy a ticket, I can hear my dad in my ear making fun of me for buying them.

    

2.17: Method: How to get through an Ohio winter

    I have lived in Ohio my whole life. Every winter, I've dealt with Ohio winters. I actually grew up on the shores of Lake Erie, and lake effect snow is no joke. Feet upon feet of snow, every winter for my formative years. 

    Now that I'm in more central Ohio, and now that climate change is a thing, our winters are much more mild, but they are still annoying. I think snow is pretty, and I love a weekend when we're all stuck inside and can't get out because of the snow, but after like three days, I'm done. But the smart local weather guy on Reddit says that there is a huge system maybe coming next week, and I honestly wouldn't mind a few snow days. 

    But winter is dark and gray and depressing, so you have to find some tricks to get through an Ohio winter. Here are some of my best ones:

1. Blankets. So many blankets.

2. A spouse with an unusually high body temperature to keep you warm.

3. Pictures of flowers.

4. Videos of puppies. Or puppies. Either works.

5. Many naps.

6. Counting down until late March.

7. Ignoring the groundhog in February.

8. Lights all over the place.

Here is a pretty flower from the garden at our school that is now covered in snow.

2.16: Instruction

     I wonder how many instructions a day I give, on a typical school day. Six classes. Multiple parts to each class. Multiple freshmen who don't listen the first time. They are written. They are verbalized. They are written in a different place. 

    I tutor at school two days a week. If we get students, I interpret other teachers' instruction. I re-instruction the instructions. I tutor outside of school 4-5 times a week. I either give or interpret instruction. I go home and often need to instruct my kid. 

    It's funny that this is the way that my life has ended up. I am not a very bossy person, but I give a lot of instructions. My life is a paradox.