"the world owes me nothing, and we owe each other the world" - Ani DiFranco, 'Joyful Girl'

I'm turning over a new leaf.

It's been a year in the new house. A year since I finished being a scared, confused girl and began to re-discover me.

I didn't do it right. In between being exhausted, raising my kid on my own, paying the bills, and trying to be perfect, I made some bad choices. I'm allowed to be human. I wasn't the person that I knew I could be.

And now I have no excuse for that. I'm stable. I've got a good head on my shoulders. So now, I'm going to do this right.

To begin with, "doing this right" means that I'm cutting a lot of people out of my life. Most are superfluous, and I am not in the mood. Who do I really need? Me, the kid, the family, a few close friends who have been there for years.

And then I can focus on what's really important. My kid. My job. Myself. Today, I left work, and I stopped by the grocery store. I carefully planned healthy meals and lunches for the week. I went home and cleaned a little. I read a book. I went and got the kid, and then he and I took the dog for a long walk. Normal. Healthy.

I didn't rush to have drinks with some guy who would later admit to wanting odd forms of sex with me and then grab something easy for dinner before dragging my kid to go shopping, or something.

I am actually looking forward to being boring. I'm looking forward to 2 hour workouts at the gym M-F. I'm looking forward to my year membership for massages. I'm delighted to imagine NOT sitting on the phone until 1 in the morning and then getting up at 5.

I'm looking forward to improving myself rather than deluding myelf.

So... we'll see. Now, off to BED! :)