3.23: Writing -- Through the pain

It hurts, more than I expected, to end a long-term relationship.

The last time, I ended it. I was so, so happy.

Now, it's like I'm floating on this river of shit, just drifting along. I'd be fine if I was on the banks on either side, but I can't seem to get off the damn raft.

Let me go or go all in. Don't be half-ass. you know?

The counselor, today, told me that I could make that choice. It's up to me. I can get off the river myself.

Anyway, it's too much -- all these emotions, jumbled up; the awkward actions around each other, the strange prancing in which we are sometimes flirtatious and sometimes angry and sometimes cold.

And so I write.

I write in here, but it's public. So I write in other places, as well.

I write out my anger, and my sorrow, and my fears.

I write my own story, to myself, so that I never forget it and make that same mistake again.

It's the only thing I can control in this world. I can write.

And so I do.

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