I know the kind of pain that warrants morphine -- the kind of pain that's neurological. Brain pain feels different than other types. Brain surgery... it's bad. It's bad because the pain distorts your perception of the world around you. And then there were the residual headaches for years after -- morning headaches, when the pressure built in my brain, when the pain made me curl into a ball. Close friends knew how to rub my head so that I could make it a few more hours.
Nerve pain is awful, too. The spinal tap a few years ago was pretty awful. I don't even know if you could call it pain. It's such a different sensation than pain, but it hurts, too.
I expected pain after the ankle surgery. I woke up from the operation, but it didn't hurt too bad. I could feel where they had operated. Then the nurses reminded me that I had received a nerve block on my leg. I went home, still dopey from pain medicine.
But then... I couldn't sleep. I tried. But at midnight after my surgery, I was still reading a book, sitting on my couch. And then around 1... the nerve block wore off.
It was like fire. It permeated every inch of my ankle, and up and down my leg. I fumbled for my phone, to call and wake up the boyfriend and ask for help. I couldn't find my phone in the dark. I couldn't get to my medicine without help. So I sat there and I cried... and cried... and cried. I couldn't believe the pain. It was sharp, intense, unyielding. It was so bad, I was dizzy. I don't know if it was because it was a different kind of pain than the kind I was used to, or if it was just really that bad, but I was horrified.
It went away, of course. Boyfriend woke up and got me pills and sat with me. Eventually I got medicine to allow me to sleep. And three weeks later, it's much better. I rarely even need painkillers -- maybe once a day, and something much less strong.
But I still can't believe how bad that pain was. It was crazy.
Hey hey hey NGS, what's up with PAIN this month?
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