12.22: 7 Deadly Sins -- Lust -- Tinder

So there's this app called Tinder, right? You put your picture on there and your age, and then your picture is shown to people that your picture is shown to, and you swipe right if you like the person and left if you do not. And then if it's a match, you get to talk to the other person. If it's not, you just wander on in your own oblivion.

This is not my thing. My strengths are not going to shine through in a simple photograph.

And, anyway, everybody on there only wants some quick sex.

But this boy -- and, you know, bad decisions are almost always predicated by a boy -- was hanging out, and he was like, "hey, download Tinder" and I was like "here's my phone, you do it", and suddenly my picture was up and we peered at my phone together while we decided to swipe "left" or "right".

I got so many matches. Why? 'Cause I'm good enough to fuck, just not to date.

Anyway, he talked to a few guys under my name, while I watched and laughed a bit. They tried to be smooth, but they were not. They just wanted sex. Whatever.

But then I took over. I found this guy who, randomly, had the restaurant Max & Erma's listed on his profile.

Max & Erma's has a frequent visitor program.

I made that boy sit on Tinder and talk to me, for probably about an hour, about the frequent visitor program at Max & Erma's. He was so frustrated, but he kept it going, because he figured it would get him laid. I asked him the most ridiculous questions about how many times he had gone last year and what he had gotten for free.

Lust does funny things to us.

I will say -- because I do crazy things from time to time -- that I did not hook up with anyone from Tinder, and I deleted the app after that boy had left.

NGS and I never have to write about any of the 7 Deadly Sins again!