I think I'm getting old...

I wasn't expecting it today. I was sitting at the computer in the break room, entering grades while my student teacher taught in my classroom, and half-listening to the conversation between the young teachers at the lunch table behind me. Before I even tell you what happened, I have to let you know that I absolutely adore these other teachers. They are my work friends, and I really enjoy spending time with them. However, today, they were laughing uproariously about some party that they wanted to have in January. They were going to invite everyone and have everyone dress up as rock stars. They started shouting out "I'm going to be Stevie Nicks!" and "I'll be Mick Jagger!".

I don't know what it was, but I got insanely annoyed at this. There had been a party a month ago, and a few people from our department went, and that annoyed me too. It's not like I'm not getting invited. It's so weird that it would annoy me. And then I realized what it was. I was annoyed because I'm not in THAT place anymore. I don't want to go to loud parties where people are making out and the music is super loud and beers are guzzled like runners post-marathon with water. I want to sit at home and talk to my kid and read a book and cuddle with someone. And that completely goes against my definition of who I am. I see myself as social and fun-loving and giggly. I'm irreverent and sarcastic and bold. And yet... I'm kind of not that person anymore. Not to just anyone. Not even to people I like.

So who am I now? I don't even know. I'm me... but I'm me with a kid and a job and bills. I'm me with worries and anxiety and doubts. I've been through too much.

And that's not to say that I'll never go to a party again, or never drink again, or never laugh hysterically at something ridiculous. But my priorities are different now, and the constant partying just sounds nauseating.

It's hard when you have to really think about who you are and see the changes in yourself.